When I was a little girl, when ever I was asked what I wanted to be when I drew up, my first reply was always a mommy. I always knew that was what I was suppose to be. Fast forward 20 year, yes only 20, and there I was starting my adventure as a mom.
We hadn’t been trying to have a baby, but we were not stopping it either. I had been Mrs. L for 6 weeks and was feeling off. My best friend at the time was expecting, and I was seeing myself reflected in her own experiences. So, on the night of November 1st, 2008 my world was changed upside down. On my home from work, I swung into Walmart, quickly walked to the “family planning” section, grabbed a three pack of First Response, because there was no way in hell I wanted to make a second trip in, and quickly rushed to the counter. Of course, none of the self check out lines were working, so I timidly placed my bright pink box of pee sticks on the counter. I had to go through the line with the most talkative checker, who looked me over in my work clothes of dress slacks and a black shirt, her eyes darting to my left hand, then to my belly.
“Your first?”
I just nodded, and explained that I didn’t know yet, but my husband and I were excited. Not that it was any of her business. I found out that buying pregnancy tests are a lot like buying tampons or condoms, you want to get through with it as soon as possible and stick those puppies in a big dark bag, and for the moment of seconds they are out and exposed to the public you feel as if every eye in the place is on them, and you.
Well when I got home that night, I decided to wait for hubby. He wasn’t happy I spent the money we didn’t have on pregnancy tests, but after a rare fight, I squatted on the pot, and then had the longest two minuets of my life. Slowly but surely, two pink lines popped up. We stared in disbelief, we were going to be parents. The joy and excitement soon gave way to worry and fear as we ran the gantlet of emotions that most new parents have to go through, but for us, we were in the bracket of young American’s who didn’t have insurance, made minimum wage and had lived paycheck to paycheck. How in heavens name were we going to bring a innocent life into this world and care for him or her. Love we could give abundantly, but diapers and food and all the rest of the world, we couldn’t.
Hubby’s mom told me to get on state provided health insurance, something I never thought I would have to do, but it was necessary, so I made my way to the first stages of that process. I had to have a state approved proof of being knocked up. So into Planned parenthood I went. I have never felt ashamed of the fact that my husband and I made a baby, but it was still embarrassing telling them I needed a pregnancy test. They led me to the back room, and I was full of mixed emotions, the main one was what if I really wasn’t pregnant, I would be devastated. I already loved that little body growing inside me. The nurse asked me all sorts of questions, was I sexually active (um no, I just think I am in the family way miraculously) have I slept with a new partner in the last month? (no pretty sure my husband of a month would KILL me) have I ever been pregnant before? (nope, that is why I am freaking out!) so I peed in yet another cup, something I would soon get use too, the nurse came back and told me I was expecting a bundle of joy. The next words out of her mouth floored me, Do I want to keep it?
I looked her in the eye and told her that I already was in love. And we were keeping him.
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